The scars of the heart
by homeslice-of-a-homegirl
Summary: It was like he was the gravity holding me to earth and there is only so much I could fight it. He kissed my forehead and held me close to him. I breathed in his scent. I let Sam wash over me.
1. Chapter 1

a/n: this is just a story that has been on my mind. There is a lot going on in my life and I'm not sure I can guarantee quick updates but I will try.

"Emily."

You ever had your life change so drastically that you didn't know what to do. A month ago I was a normal teenager who just graduated high school. Today I'm an orphan who is standing in front of scene I should have never been part of much less even have my name mentioned in. But here I was. Standing in the midst of a messy break up between my cousin and her fiancé, while he is calling my name.

The second my name left his lips I knew it was done. My cousin would never forgive me. I could already feel her heated glared on my face and I knew no words I could say would undo the damage Sam just made.

"Leah," I said gasping for air. She glared at me, her slim body shaking with rage. "Sam please tell her it's not true… please," I begged turning to him, pleading with him with my eyes to set this right.

The muscles in his jaw were clenched. He was looking away from the scene before him. I could see his nostrils flare with anger. I could sense the tremble of his muscles. But what I couldn't understand was why he would do something so devastating to me. Leah would never believe me. It was too late for that now.

I glared at him as my heart was breaking. I knew once Uncle Harry and Aunt Sue found out they would consider this unforgivable. But the pain in my heart wasn't from the prospect of their lost love. No the pain in my heart was because my cousin… my sister was staring at me as if I had ripped her heart out not Sam.

"This is what you asked of me," he whispered his words like knives cutting through me. I felt the breathe rip from my lungs as our earlier conversation replayed over in my head.

"_I can't be with you because of Leah, Sam she means too much to me." _

"_If I left her would you consider me?"_

"_What? Sam I don't know… maybe but that would never happen."_

"What do you mean this is what she asked for?" Leah screeched she turned on me her eyes throwing daggers, "What does he me?"

"Leah it's not like that…." I tried to explain pushing Sam out the way to her angry that he dared twist my words around like that. Hoping she will see the truth in my eyes. I reached to hold her but she flinched and jerked away from my touch. A sob broke from my lips as I tried to explain that I didn't want him. That he just kept following me. I tried with all my might but Leah wouldn't listen. Already Sam's admission was poisoning her mind.

"Get out," she screamed at me and him. When we didn't move she screamed it again. "I never want to see either of your faces here again."

"Leah," I cried pleading with her again, "I live here."

"Not anymore." She sneered rushing in the door and slamming it shut. The sound of the bolt sliding into place echoed in my head. Pain ripped through me. My sobs shaking feel from my chest. Sam moved to comfort me. I felt his body near mine and I had the unexplainable urge to punch him in the jaw. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel pain like I was. Never in my life had I wanted to physically hurt some one as bad as I wanted to bodily harm Sam now.

"Emily…." He took a step closer to me his black eyes boring into mine, "This is not what I meant to happen."

I laughed bitterly, "What did you think would happen? Did you just think you could waltz in here and announce you're leaving Leah your fiancé for her cousin was really going to fly?"

"I never meant to cause you pain," he winced as my words hit him.

"What about Leah?" I glared at him, "What about her feelings in all this? She put her everything in your relationship and this is how you treat her."

"I never meant to her either," He whispered looked dejectedly at the door.

"Sam please just do us both a favor," I said licking my dry lips with my tongue of sand paper, "Just take Leah back and forget this notion of me and you… it could never work out."

His eyes snapped to mine. I could she the determination in his eyes, "So you rather I half heartedly love your cousin knowing each day she isn't the one for me and I'm not the one for her. Would you truly sentence her to a life of unrequited love?"

"There is no future for us," I cried, "She means too much to me."

"She was my world," he sighed, "Emily I know you are for me just give me a chance."

"Never Sam," I gritted, "I can't do this."

He went to stroke my face. I jerked away from him. I couldn't let him touch me. I wouldn't let him touch me. He was the cause of all this. Not to mention I felt that if he touched me I would lose my resolve. I would slip into his eyes and do something I would regret. And I hated the fact that even though he was destroying the only world I knew I still wanted nothing more then to reach up and hug him. Shaking my head I backed away from him ignoring the hurt in his eyes and pushing back the need to comfort him. I hated myself for even wanting him when Leah was locked up in the house right behind us hurting from the lost of her fiancé and cousin.

I heard Uncle Harry's heavy foot steps on the cobble stone walk way behind us. I heard his tale tell humming and felt a second of relief with each step closer he took. But my relief was short lived as I watched in horror as Leah flew out the door rushing to him. She pushed pasted me running to her father. And I was reminded that no matter how much Uncle Harry may love me Leah was still his little girl and I just had no rank here.

"What happened?" He asked as she sobbed on his chest. She jet black hair shook with each sob. Her face pale as she clutched to him as he was her life support.

"Sam and Emily," she managed out. Uncle Harry eyebrows shot up his aged brown eyes found mine. I could sense the disappointment in his look.

"It's not like that," I begged praying to Tahi aki that he would listen with reason, "Sam he is lying I would never…"

Uncle Harry turned his head away from me at the mention of Sam's name, dismissing me with out even listening to me. With his one action I was shunned.

"Please listen to me," I looked around for Sam to defend me. I wanted him to set this right and explain that I wasn't with him. But he was gone. The coward had made his mess and left me standing in it.

For as long as I live I would never forgive Sam Uley for what he has done. I turned and walked into the house. I knew I was no longer welcomed here and most likely no where else on the rev because Harry was an elder. Another sob escaped me. I opened the door to the room I was currently staying in and froze. Dread filled the pit of belly as I stared at the disarray in the room. My clothes were thrown around the room some of them were torn and destroyed. My shoes looked as if they had been stomped on and I could smell the toothpaste Leah had squirted into each one of them. My heart beat was pounding in my chest as I neared the small jewelry box my mother had given me before her untimely death.

"No, no, no," I sobbed picking up the now ruined box. I opened it frantically praying that she didn't touch the necklace my father had made for me. He had worked the leather to be smooth and soft and found the topaz stone on one his spirit quest. He had made it before I was born. He had made it for me when he wasn't even sure if I would ever exist. And in one fit of rage Leah had completely destroyed all I had left.

It felt like a lifetime ago that it happened. But truthfully it has only been a month. One month since I lost my parents. One month since I've been in La Push. It felt like such a whirlwind. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to find my footing. First my house burning down with my parents in it. I pushed from my mind the sight of the flames dancing through my childhood home. Pushed back the screams that had ripped from my throat when I realized my parents were still inside. Uncle Harry and Aunt Sue had taken me in that night. But they already had one emotional draining teenage to deal with in Leah who was frantically looking for Sam who had mysteriously disappeared two weeks ago. Only to reappear within a week of me moving in. Then having to deal with Sam's sudden interest me. And now the fact that I once again was on the brink of losing the only family I had left.

I stared at the shredded remains of my necklace. Numbness washing over me. Leah may never forgive me for Sam's lie. But what she did could never be undone. Sam could decide tomorrow he wanted her again but I could never get back my father's necklace.

"Emily?" Aunt Sue asked from the door her eyes on the ruined box I held in my hand. "Emily I think we should talk."

I didn't say anything as I got up and wordlessly walked out the room. I already knew what they wanted to talk about so what was the point. I sat at a chair by the table surrounded my Uncle Harry and Aunt Sue. They both drew in deep breathes they faces twisted in a heavy expression.

"Is it true?" Aunt Sue asked after a few minutes.

"No," I cried, "Sam he has been pursuing me but I've been turning him down. He… He asked me earlier if he wasn't with Leah would I have considered him. And I told him yes but it didn't matter because he was with Leah and I wouldn't want her to hurt."

I clutched the topaz to my heart, "I never knew he would do this."

"You bitch," Leah sneered from the couch running toward me before Uncle Harry caught her, "You knew he wanted you and you didn't tell me."

I looked her in the eye, "Would you have believed me?"

She looked away her hands clenched in tense fists.

"I wanted to tell you but it would have only hurt you. I had made my mine up today to let you know but when I came home Sam was already here." I got up from the table and moved closer to her.

"I hate you," Leah whispered when I was closer to her. She jerked from her fathers grasp and stormed to her room.

"Emily I know you didn't mean for anything to happen but…" Uncle Harry started rubbing his face with his hand, "Perhaps it would be best if you stayed by Billy for a little while."

Translation, you are no longer welcomed in our house. I got it. I moved and picked up what was left of my parents gifts and walked to the door. My clothes were ruined it wasn't like there was much else for me to take.

I ignored the confuse look Seth was giving me. I ignored the disappointment flowing off of Uncle Harry and Aunt Sue. I ignored the sound of Leah sobbing in her room. I walked out to door and paused. I have no where to go. Fear ran through me. Billy couldn't afford another mouth to feed. Uncle Harry and I both knew this. I had no one. I was truly alone. But this wasn't the first time I was faced with losing family. I would make it somehow. I just walked out the front door. I was taking care of the problem for them. Glancing back one last time I drank in the sight of them. The happy family that once reminded me of mine. Closing my eyes I turned my eyes away. The door closed as I walked off the last step of the porch. I heard Aunt Sue lock the door closing off the last little bit of family off from me. And then the tears fell.

So I just walked. Because there was nothing else left for me to do. Each step I took chipped at my heart. But I kept walking holding on the last shred of my parents. My chest heaving with sobs. My body ached but in the end I knew I would survive. The wind wrapped itself around my shoulders. I shuddered and hunched deeper into myself. And for a second I caught myself wishing for Sam's warmth. I quickly pushed the thought from my head and just kept walking. I walked until my feet hit the cold sand of the beach. My flip flops burrowing deeper with each step I took.

I sat on a log deserted on the sand. I let the light mist of rain fall over me. I let it ease my pain. I stretched out on the log, pulling what was left of the jewelry box close to my chest. I was tired. The rain was my blanket as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

a/n: please read and review


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: Hey guys I hope you are liking the story please review and let me know. And thank you to all the reviews I got already. I own nothing of twilight.

Where the hell am I?

I looked around the room I was currently laying in. This certainly wasn't the beach. I stared down at the sheets covering me. Fear slowly creeping into the pit of my belly. I pushed back the sudden taste of bile in my mouth. This was not the time to freak out. Uncle Harry was an elder someone probably saw me and took me in for the night. Hopefully. I rubbed my damp palms on my pants.

As quietly as I could I slowly moved off the bed. I winced when my feet touched the cold floor. It seemed the only thing that was taken off of me was my flip flops. My necklace and jewelry box were on the bedside table. I did a quick inventory of myself. Satisfied that everything seems to be check I grabbed my stuff and made my way to the door.

I hesitated my hand inches from the door knob. That uneasy feeling was playing again in the pit of my belly and suddenly opening the door and facing whoever was out there didn't seem so appealing anymore. I spied a window out the corner of my eye. Debating for a second I walked slowly over to the window. I pulled the blind down slightly enough to see and looked out. All I could see was trees. It's like the house was in the middle of the woods. My nerves were at the edge of a break down. Because it didn't past my notice that in such a deserted place no one could hear my screams of help.

"You're awake." A deep voice said from behind me making my heart jump out of my chest. I let a screeched that rivaled one of a cat who's tail's been stepped on.

Whirling around I came face to face with the one person I didn't want to see. Sam Uley. He stood there in the door way wearing nothing but a pair of cut off shorts looking unforgivably delicious.

"You," I hissed my nostrils flaring in anger as I stomped over to him, "This is your fault…. entirely" I poked him in the chest emphasizing very word.

He winced each time my finger made contact with his bare chest. "Emily…"

"No." I held my hand up, "You don't get to talk to me."

I pushed pasted him. I was getting out here right now. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to bring me to his house. I couldn't believe that every step I took to the door was becoming more and more force.

"Emily please," he pleaded behind me. His voice hitting every cord in my scared heart freezing me to the spot.

"I'm barely holding on," he whispered his voice catching in his throat. I made the mistake of looking back. His eyes crashed with mine and all thoughts of leaving vanished. "I'm barely breathing all I see is you. All I want is you."

"Sam we can't do this." I fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. "We could never work out."

"How do you know?"

I didn't. But I did know that I could never hurt Leah anymore then she has already been hurt. My heart couldn't take anymore. I couldn't take anymore. "I… we can't Sam okay… we just can't."

He was before in second down on his knees his head bowed, "Emily we can."

Without thinking I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. I let his warmth wash over me. I let our sorrows entwine. I felt as if I was choking on my own resolve. His arms wrapped around my waist and his head resting on my chest. The only sound was our breathing. And for the first time in my life I felt truly connected with someone. We were so emotional entangled I couldn't tell where he began and I ended.

"We work together Emily," he whispered, "You were made for me and I was made for you. We complete each other."

His word slammed against my heart, pulling me further from my resolution. And a small selfish part of me wanted to see if he was right. A small part of me wanted my own happy ending. He moved to stand before me. His eyes filled with the promise of happiness. It was almost unbearable. I looked away unable to handle the emotion in his glaze. My eyes landing on a picture of him and Leah slapping me out of my moment of selfishness.

I felt as if I was just sucker punched in the gut. "Sam this is wrong," I jerked away from him, "How could you possibly know if we fit together? What's going on here Sam?"

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. His body hunched in defeat. "I can't tell you yet."

"What does that mean?" I asked in disbelief.

He didn't answer me. He just walked away. I watched the muscles in his back contract and span with each step he took away from me incredulity building with each step he made.

"You're just going to walk away," I called after him anger slowly seeping through my veins, "You god damn coward."

He paused at my words. His body was rigid except for the slight tremble in his muscles. I was too far gone to notice his hands clenching into fist. Too far gone to notice that his shaking was increasing.

"You make this huge mess of my life," I shout stomping over to him yanking his shoulder turning him to look at me, "What was it for Sam because I would really… really like to know."

"Emily stop," he growled pulling out of my reach. His eyes black with anger.

"Why should I?" I crossed my arms over my chest glaring at him, "You didn't stop when I asked you too. You didn't correct the lie like I asked you too. No you just stood there and watched as my world crumbled."

"It wasn't like that damnit," he snapped running his hand through his hair.

"Sure as hell looked that way to me."

"What do you want me to say?" he was before me his body inches away from mine, "That I take it all back that it was all I lie I don't feel anything for you."

His huge hot hands grabbed my shoulders shaking me, "Is it?"

He pulled me up so I was face to face with him. I was trembling in his arms out of anger or fear I couldn't quite decide. His black eyes bearing down into mine. Our breathes were ragged and labored. My mind didn't even process the thought before his lips were on mine.

Kissing Sam was like eating the forbidden fruit. One bite would never be enough but my view on the world was forever change. His hot tongue ravished my mouth. I was kissing him back with every part of myself. He lifted me onto the counter pressing between my thighs. My fingers somehow found themselves running through his hair. I moaned when his large hands cup my bottom pulling me closer to his sizzling body. I felt as if my body was on fire with his. The muscles in my belly quivered as I surged closer against his hard abs. He pulled away only to place tender kisses on my jaw. Resting his forehead on mine.

One kiss.

It was just one kiss and suddenly his words were making sense. Sam had successfully wiped out any impression I've ever made of kissing with just one kiss. In that moment there was just Sam and I. Nothing else mattered. I slowly drifted off the cloud I was sitting on savoring the taste of him still on my lips. He stiffened between my legs before pulling away. I stared at him confusion. Was I that bad? I felt the heat of self-doubt rise up to my face. I tried to find words to ask him but my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth.

"Go to the bedroom." He ordered lifting me off the counter.

"What?"

"Leah is coming go the bedroom you don't want her to see you here," He said pleading me with his eyes. He placed a small chaste kiss on my lips and handed me the small jewelry box before gently pushed me in the right direction. I entered the bedroom slowly.

I was shocked by the feeling of anger toward Leah. I was upset she ruined my moment but then I was more upset at myself for feeling that way. This was my cousin I was talking about. I was kissing her fiancé… ex fiancé neither the less I shouldn't be the one feeling jaded.

"Sam what could you possibly see in her anyway? She's nothing compared to me" I heard Leah shout from the living room.

I looked into the mirror above his dresser on the wall. I took in my plain features compared to Leah I was nothing amazing. She had the features of a model when I come off mousey at the best. I stared at my dull brown hair that hung listlessly around my face and shoulders. My eyes were to close together. My mouth was too small. My skin had a light dusting of freckles that was hardly attractive. I was nothing compared to Leah. What did Sam want with me?

"Damnit Leah," I heard Sam say breaking me from my trance, "This doesn't change a thing I have every intention of winning over Emily would you rather I do it behind your back instead."

"If it meant I still had you then yes," I heard Leah cry, "Then maybe you could have seen how she just isn't right for you."

"You're wrong," Sam said, "She is perfect for me it is I who isn't right for you."

They argued a few more minutes but I toned them out. I heard the pain in Leah's voice and I couldn't have any part in hurting her any more. I made up my mind. I'm going to take myself out of the equation. Then Sam would have no choice but to go back to Leah. She was the better choice anyway.

I heard the front door slam and knew Leah had left. I sat slowly down onto the edge of the bed. I felt as if the world was weighing down on me. I pushed the feelings I was developing for Sam deep down inside of me. Hiding it away. He wasn't mine to feel for.

"She's gone," Sam said standing in the door way.

"I should go too," I said standing up.

"Where will you go?"

I don't know. "I'll stay at the Black's for a few days."

"And then?" he leaned his tall body against the door frame his arms crossed across his chest.

"And then I don't know." I shrugged and tried to come off nonchalant but inside I felt as if I was being slammed with bricks of panic.

"You're leaving aren't you," he accused his black eyes searing me with his glare.

"It's for the best."

"Says who," he growled banging the frame with his fist.

"Me," I tried to come off confident. I tried to come off strong. But even I heard the waiver in my voice and I knew he could see the tears in my eyes.

"Didn't that kiss mean anything?"

The pain in his voice was too much. This is why I had to leave. Already our lives were becoming too entwined. He needed to be with Leah not me. She was the girl for him.

"You should be with Leah," I said softly, "The kiss was a fluke."

Even though every muscle in my body was disagreeing with me. And even though I wanted nothing more than to kiss him once again. I knew I had to do this. I couldn't be with Sam.

"This isn't what I wanted," he sighed.

"You think this is what I want?" I snapped rage flowing through me.

"You know what I want," I growled, "I want simple… not this whatever this is because nothing about this is simple."

I ran my fingers through my hair. Ignoring the fleeting pain when my fingers snagged a knot. Ignoring the fact that my heart felt as if it was racing to get out of my chest. Ignoring the tears that were pouring from my eyes.

"I want to act like I've never met you," I stepped away from him never taking my eyes from his, "I want to act as if Leah and I are still best friend, I want my life back."

"You have a life now," Sam snarled his whole body shaking.

"No all I have is you and damn it I don't want you."

I ran out of the room before he could answer. Before he could sense my lie. Because I wanted nothing more than stay here with him. But every second I stayed closer to Sam I lost a little bit of me and I wasn't will to lose anymore of myself.

I ran out of the house not caring who saw me. I had to get out of there. I had to get away from Sam. It wasn't until I was halfway to Leah's house did I realize I left my parents gifts there. And there was no way I would go back now.

A/n: Ok review and let me know what you think


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: I've been struggling with this chapter for a while. Then I realized the reason I was I was just channeling poor Emily's confused feelings. Hope you like it. I don't own twilight. And as always please R&R. And to everyone who has already review or added this story to their favorites thank you.

No one ever prepares you for life. Sure school will give you the basics, but no one sits you down and explains how things really work. I wrapped my arms around my knees bringing my legs closer to me. This is the things we should be learning in school. Not how to solve a math problem that in ten years will be long forgotten. I felt my chest tighten. A sob makes its way out even with my lips pressed close together. I pulled the covers over my head burying my face into my pillow.

"I'm heading out," Aunt Sue said from my door.

I gave a quick nod of my head to indicate I heard her realizing she probably couldn't see it since I was buried under the covers. She gave no inclination that she didn't see it, which was good since I wasn't up to talking. I wasn't up to much lately.

She waited a few seconds before shutting the door. The breath I didn't realize I was holding expelled from my lungs slowly. I can't handle how strained things are now a days.

Leah still won't talk to me. And Seth, bless his little heart is the only one who is willing to actually try and include me. Aunt Sue isn't sure how to feel and I can see that in her eyes. She wants to believe me but she don't know if she can. Uncle Harry hasn't really been around the council has been meeting more and more lately. And Sam has stopped here every day since I came back.

He would stare at me with his dark eyes. His bottom lip would slightly quiver and it would take everything in my power not to walk over to him and suck it into my mouth. His kiss has been branded in my head. He would say my name like he expected me as any second to act upon the actions running through my head. As if he could sense my every thought.

Didn't he see the torture he was putting me through? The pain in Leah's eyes as she watched day in and day out try to win me over. I could feel her watching us. As we sat on the couch each of us just staring at each other. I wish I could say it mattered. But when Sam came all I saw was him.

I stared outside the window it was nice today. Nice enough to get out of this house. For the first time this week a small flicker of excitement played in my heart. The idea of getting away from this house had its appeals.

It wasn't long before I found myself on the familiar path in the woods. One Leah and I use to frequent often together. I smiled at the memory. If only… I wish things could go back to the way they were. I want whatever sense of happiness I had back. I let a rush of air exist my lungs. Let the cool air sweep into my skin. I loved the smell of the trees. It had the most unusual calming effect on me.

I walked aimlessly. Not really have a set destination in my head. It was nice to be alone. Away from everyone. At least that is what I tell myself. What I'm trying to convince myself. Before I left a few of Leah's school friends came over. It pains me to see her hurting but the small pang of jealousy was there. And I hated myself for it. I just wanted a friend I could tell how I'm feeling. Someone who could show me some compassion and believe that I am not to fault. I just wanted to feel wanted.

After the accidents with my parents I didn't talk much. Whatever small amount of friends I had starting dwindling down until all that was left was Leah. Now even she has left me. Part of me wishes she would wake up and see how much better off she is without Sam.

The skin on the back of my neck rose and a chill ran through me. Only one man in the world has that effect on me. He was near. I felt a tang of excitement which I quickly brushed off. Sam wasn't a man I should have any feelings about. I heard the sound of a twig breaking behind me announced his arrival.

"God can't you just leave me alone?" I groaned squeezing my eyes closed.

He paused behind me. I could hear his breathing. I could sense his hesitation.

"Is that what you want?" He asked his voice rough.

"Yes," I whispered letting my answer flow with the wind, "I want you to."

He came up behind me. His body inches from mine. The torture of it was almost unbearable. He was within touching distance yet we stood apart. It took everything in me not to lean back against his warm chest. I froze when his fingers found their way to the back of my neck. He moved my hair to the side and placed a small kiss on the back of my neck. I shuddered under his touch. He was too close to me. I couldn't breathe with him so near me. I couldn't think when he was touching me.

"You want me Emily," Sam whispered against my ear, "Just as much as I want you." He kissed my neck once more before walking away.

"You're wrong," I called out at his retreating figure.

He froze. The muscles in his back twitching. He was a beautiful specimen of a man. I shook the thought from my head. He wasn't mine to think about.

He turned and stalked over to me. His eyes black and filled with an emotion I couldn't quite put my finger on. I wasn't even sure I wanted to. He was in front me before I could blink. I took a step back out of reflex. Put distance between us. He grabbed me by my shoulders and held me close to him.

"Tell me Emily," he whispered his lips by my ear. His breathe teasing my neck. "How am I wrong?"

His lips were on mine before I could respond. It was like a vixen awoke in me. I was kissing him back fiercely. Our tongues battling for dominance. His hands cupping my face as I held on to his biceps like they were the only things keeping me a float.

It was like I didn't need air. All I needed was Sam. He pushed me back against a tree. The hard bark pressed painfully into the soft flesh of my back but all that matter was his lips were on mine. I could hear myself moaning. I could feel the groan he release shake in his chest. Our bodies pressed together, mending as if we were made for each other. He was a perfect fit for me and the more I tried to fight it the more I was becoming more and more aware of it. I could feel his arousal pressed against my belly.

I shifted my hips for friction. I wanted to feel more of him. He pulled away from me with a his. His lips swollen from our kisses his eyelids heavy. Our breathes ragged each of us gulping for air. He looked like a satisfied God. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again. I wanted to feel his hands on my skin again. For a second I thought of how it would feel to have him on me. Pushing his hard body into me. I bite my lip to pushing the thought from my mind.

He smirked down at me placing a small chaste kiss on my lip. "Just give me a chance," he whispered in my ear before walking away.

I stood there. Barely breathing. My mind running over what just happened. My walk was ruined. I had essential done exactly what I didn't want to do. I had let Sam get to me again with just his words and heated touches. I was no more closer to figuring anything out then I was before today.

I could still feel his lips against my skin. I could still feel his hand imprint on me. My heart was still racing. And my hands still trembling. I didn't trust my knees to move. Did I truly want Sam to leave me alone?

No.

I wanted to be selfish and take from him all he was offering. I wanted let into my life and let at least one person except me. But I couldn't and wouldn't do it at the expense of Leah.

I turned and headed by to the house. Peace has now eluded me and there was no point standing out in the cold.

My shoulders felt heavy as I neared the front door. I felt going back to the room I was so desperate to escape from earlier and burying myself under the sheets on my bed. I wanted to go in there and forget the world outside. This feeling a despair that was building inside me was becoming over whelming.

I moved past Leah who was glaring at me from the couch. I could feel her eyes on back. I wanted to feel the anger that had consumed earlier. I wanted to the feeling of unjust the settle in my belly again. But the only feeling I got was guilt. I may not have done what her eyes were accusing of me of. But there was no defense for me now. Because Sam's simple words has created a fire in me that was consuming me. His touch was still on my neck. And his scent still racking havoc on my senses.

I fell face forward on to my bed. Hoping to find a sense of peace here. Hoping that Sam would leave me alone here. But the truth was Sam was right. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me.

Or at least I would have fell face forward if Leah wasn't currently sitting on my bed. My feet froze when I saw her. My nerves were already on edge and I wasn't in the mood to deal with fighting. She pulled her legs closer to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. Her head was down but I knew she could still see me out the corner of her eyes. I plopped myself down next to her mimicking her position. The fan whirled the stale air around the room. The silencing was deafening. But neither of us seems to want to breach it.

"I came in here with the intent of talking to you," Leah said her voice scratchy and rough.

She pushed her hair from her face and turned and looked at me. She tried to pull her lips up in a small smile but failed and looked more like she was grimacing at me. I rubbed my hands over my face. The new recent rift between us was more evident than ever. I wanted to leap over it and hug her. Pull her close to me and comfort her. But there was too much distance between us.

"I wanted to yell at you," she said chuckling, "I wanted you to hurt like I was hurting."

I didn't say anything. This was the most that Leah has said to me since her break up with Sam. In a way I wasn't surprise to see her. We could never stay angry with each other for too long.

"But I knew the truth and hurting you wouldn't make it any different," She said after a second, "Sam hasn't been the same since he disappeared… hell nothing has been the same since."

She studied me for a second. Her sharp eyes running over my face. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"Emily I know you weren't going behind my back with Sam, and if I am to be completely honest with myself I know Sam didn't tell me your name to hurt me… we always agreed to be completely honest with each other." She said, "But even knowing that… even understanding that I'm still angry, and I'm hurt, and I want to do nothing more than bash his face in."

I nodded. I understood. We sat in silence for a while. Soaking up each other's presence. Enjoying the small amount of peace surrounding us.

"Sam wants me to give him a chance," I whispered breaking the silence.

"Will you?" she asked after a pregnant pause.

I sat there. My mind racing with a million thoughts. I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to assure her that Sam meant nothing to me. But I know Leah and I turned a new page today. And I wasn't about to ruin it with a false promise.

"I don't know."

a/n: ok review and let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

a/n: Hope you guys like it and thank you all for the reviews I truly appreciate them please R&R some more.

"Heard you and Leah talked."

I turned and faced Uncle Harry who was sitting at the kitchen table. He had a plate of half eaten food in front of him and a beer can in his hand. He motioned for me to sit in the chair across from him. I sat down slowly. Not really sure where he was going with this. Not really sure I wanted to know.

"I'm glad you two talked," he said after a second.

"It was nice."

I didn't know what to say. I was sure he had a point. That he was about to give me some more useless advice that everyone who knew the situation has been giving me. I held in the huff that was so desperate to come out. I caught my eye roll before it happened.

"Emily in life we're given challenges," he started making a huge sweeping motion with his arms.

He paused to catch his breathe. I moved to get him some water but he motioned for me to stay seated. His large brown eyes twinkled as he watched the concerned on my face. He cleared his throat.

"Getting old that's all," he said brushing off my word less concern, "Now like I was saying life gives us many challenges. It tests you in ways that wouldn't normally make sense to you. It makes you consider things you wouldn't normally consider."

He paused to cough his breathing carried a slight wheeze. This time I ignored his motioning for me to sit and grabbed him a cup of water. I watched as he drank it down draining the glass.

"You have to do things for yourself," he said his voice hoarse from coughing, "You only get on life Emily… live it."

He dismissed me with a wave of his hand. Uncle Harry just told me in so many words to give Sam a chance. Disregarding Leah's broken heart. Put myself before everyone and give Sam a chance.

But he didn't need to tell me this. I was already on that path myself. Because the past few days I've been brutally honest with myself.

The problem with honesty is that it has a way of coming back to haunt you. You want to tell the other person what you would want to hear. You want to keep everything out in the open. But if the shoe was on the other foot how much would you really want to know. Leah left my room yesterday and hasn't come out of her room since. She had asked a question she wasn't ready to hear the answer to. And I had given her the answer she was dreading.

But the truth of the matter was I didn't know if I could keep fighting Sam. I wanted to. That is a lie. I know I should but I keep finding myself going back to this kiss and his simple touches. I was running around in an endless circle and it all led back to him.

Which brings me here. Walking on a deserted muddy road toward his house. I wanted to talk to him like an adult. Put everything out on the table. I wanted us to come to some sort of sense out of everything that is going on. I really just wanted to see him.

Already his scent is imbedded into my senses. I close my eyes and see his face. Unknown to me I was becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of Sam and I. He was winning without much of a fight and for some reason it was really irritating me. I wanted him to do more than a few kisses to win me over. I wanted to know that this wasn't some sort of a whim. What if I gave him a chance and he woke up on morning and realized he wanted Leah more. Was I willing to put myself out there like that? Did I have it in me to ruin my relationship with my cousin for a man I couldn't guarantee?

I was so engrossed in my thoughts I didn't hear a truck pull up next to me. I don't know how I missed it considering all the racket it was making. I looked over to the driver not trying to hide my annoyance at all. And who do I see staring at me with a shit eating grin spread across his face. Sam Uley.

"Need a lift?" he asked his deep baritone voice filling the silence.

"You don't even know where I'm going," I snapped annoyed he showed up before I could truly prepare myself for him.

"This road only leads to one place Emily."

I rolled my eyes and got into the car. There was no point arguing. Might as well get a ride. I leaned as far from his as possible. My body hugged the door frame. I let my black hair slide into the front of my face. Studying him from the corner of my eyes through the dark strands. His eyes stayed on the road. There was a strange tick in his jaw as if he was fighting to say something but couldn't get the words. I know the feeling. I had so much to say to him. I wanted to rant and rave. I wanted to kiss him. Hell I have no idea what I wanted I just wanted.

When we got to his house I got out his truck as fast as I could. I needed space between us. He stood by the door staring at me. I shifted my weight from foot to foot with unease. He sighed and opened his door he motioned with a jerk of his head that I should follow him. Shuffling my feet I entered his house. His domain. And suddenly I felt perhaps I should be doing this at a more neutral place. I followed him into the kitchen and watched as he put a pot of water to boil. He worked in silence. Neither of us saying a word. It was like we were both scared to break the small amount of peace we somehow achieved.

He placed a cup of hot water and tea bag in front of me. I was grateful for something to do with my hands. I avoided his eyes when he sat down across from me. I ignored his wary sigh. I just made my tea and sat there. The only sound was my from my spoon knocking against the cup as I mixed in the sugar.

"Milk or cream?" he asked his rough voice echoing throughout the room.

"What?" I asked still slightly shocked by the sudden intrusion of sound.

"Do you want milk or cream?" he asked again indicating to my tea.

"Oh." Right the tea. "Milk please."

The silence enveloped us as he moved to get my milk again but it wasn't the same. Now I knew I could be broken and for some reason that sadden me. He handed me a small cup with milk before resuming his seat across from me.

"Emily," He said after a few minutes of staring at his hands. He cleared his throat looking away from me. I hear his question even without him saying it. What are you doing here? Was I here to tell him I didn't want him again? Was I here to push him away some more?

"This are getting out of hand," I whispered still stirring the tea I had no intention of drinking.

He snorted but still didn't say anything as if he was waiting to see what I had to say.

"I don't know what I want anymore."

"You never knew what you wanted," he snapped before catching himself. He was staring at me as if he expected me to bolt out of the door any second now.

"You're right," I replied sitting back in my chair, "I don't… but I do know I can't keep pushing you away."

His head snapped up and his dark eyes were on my face. I could tell he was holding his breathe.

"I don't have the strength to anymore," I whispered.

"What are you saying?" he voice was tight I could feel the emotions rolling off of him.

"I'm saying I'm giving you a chance."

He had me out of my chair into his arms before I even realized he moved. I melted against him letting myself give into the feeling I had been fight for so long. I needed him desperately that didn't even feel remotely normal.

It was like he was the gravity holding me to earth and there is only so much I could fight it. He kissed my forehead and held me close to him. I breathed in his scent. I let Sam wash over me. And I was liking it more and more. But I couldn't fight this feeling of despair. This was never something I would have chosen. But life has a way of taking a different course then you ever expect it to take.

"Don't think so hard," he chuckled his voice vibrating in my ears, "You'll get wrinkles."

For the first time in what felt like weeks I laughed. He face split with a huge smile his large black eyes shining with happiness. And everything in the world felt okay.

"Let's go to dinner or something," he said cautiously.

I looked down at my outfit with consist of muddy shoes raggy jeans and a tee shirt that was much to big barely hidden under a hoodie that has seen better days, "Or something…"

"You're beautiful," Sam said lifting my chin so he could look into my eyes.

I snorted and pulled away. I didn't need lies.

"Emily…" he started but I wasn't ready for this yet. I just wanted to go out to eat or something. I didn't want deep soul searching conversations. I didn't want to bare all my insecurities before I even got to know him.

"Sam don't."

He nodded and looked away. I hope I was doing the right thing. I playfully punched him in the arm to break the tension. At least it would of if he hadn't been made of brick. I let out a cry of pain shaking my hand hope to relieve the pain.

"That wasn't very smart," he said with a smirk on his face.

I made a move to kick him but judging on how my hand is still throbbing I decided against it. He arched an eyebrow at me. As if daring me to try it. Well I couldn't beat him but I'm sure I'll figure out a way to get to him. I smiled sweetly him drawing circles on his arm with my finger. He took in a deep breathe glancing down at his arm.

"Let's go to the diner," he said moving away from me quickly.

I know it's not much of a start but as I followed him out the house into his car I couldn't help but think that maybe it would work. I knew it wouldn't be easy. But for the first time I was doing something for me. And it had a satisfying taste in my heart.


End file.
